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UniKoRn's diary of insanity

I'm drowning
bishi, keh, smirk

I think it started a few years ago, I started to lose my mind again. I started walling off my emotions to stop myself from feeling bad. Fear, anxiety, loneliness, depression. If I don't feel it, I can stay sane, I can function. But not really.

It feels like all these awful things keep happening far more frequently. But maybe that's just my mind not being able to move on quickly from things that hurt. Myself, my friends, my family... it just seems like we're surrounded by sad things more than ever.

Losing Ranma kitty earlier this year, made me finally break and I can't hold back the tears. Whenever I'm alone I cry.

"I'm ok" is the biggest lie I've ever told. But I don't know how to talk about not being okay either. What's there to say? "I'm depressed, I hate myself"

I can't have the things that would make me feel better. Life has changed. The things that brought me comfort have gone. I feel lonely and isolated in my grief.

I don't know how to reach out to people when I'm feeling down, I feel ashamed... like I should know how to deal with this by now.

But I guess I've always been lonely in various ways. Being introverted means I'm not a person that needs a whole lot of social interaction. However, I feel like over the years people have stopped talking to me. Probably because I'm a shit friend that can't hold long conversations...and am even worse at initiating them. 

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bishi, keh, smirk